January 4, 2025

Critique is powerful—but what if we used it to call people in rather than push them out?

I'll never forget over twenty years ago now when a friend helped tune me in for the better

I occasionally struggled to learn in my small town because I trusted people and new ideas far more than I should have. Now that I understand how to interrogate new ideas and problems, I don't have this issue, but it caused me a lot of trouble early on. Like many, if a significant number of people around me were parroting something, then I thought it must be true, and I didn't question it. In turn, this caused me to parrot it myself.

Over twenty years ago, one key friend confronted me and asked, "Are you sure about that? Have you actually looked into that yourself? Because I have X, Y, and Z accreditations to my name in that field, I can tell you what you're saying is patently false." He then continued not by chastizing me but by calling me in. He didn't want to shut me down; he wanted to help me navigate this new area I was interested in or passionate about. He gave me the ever-green advice "If you hear something others are getting passionate about, it's always worth doing your own research into it, especially before you engage in the topic yourself." He challenged me to do just that from now on.

I didn't realize that this person helped change the course of my entire life with one simple, kind conversation. He essentially taught me the basis of Inquiry-Based Learning (IBL) and critical thinking.

Inquiry-based learning (IBL) is an active learning method that encourages students to explore and investigate complex questions and problems. It's based on the idea that education should start with a student's curiosity, and that students should be responsible for their own learning. For me, this was pivotal. It shifted my entire being from a sloppy, unprejudiced sponge to a high-powered selective vacuum cleaner.

This friend didn't lord knowledge over me, and he wasn't condescending in future conversations. Instead, he welcomed me as an equal in future discussions. I have to tell you, this approach made all the difference for me. Since then, I have gone on to succeed in my career, pursue multiple degrees and accreditations, and form several workplace programs and communities where we have spread equity, inclusion, and belonging to help measurably increase success.

The TTRPG space likes to turn on itself.

In creative spaces like TTRPGs, where passion runs high, disagreements are inevitable. But too often, these disagreements turn into personal attacks, public shaming, or exclusion—without giving people a chance to learn, grow, or repair.

This isn’t just a TTRPG issue; it’s something we see across industries and communities. And while accountability is critical, so is empathy. If we want healthier spaces, we need to ask:

Are we seeking understanding or just satisfaction in seeing someone “cancelled”?

Here are a few ways we can shift from “calling out” to “calling in” when we encounter conflict:

  1. Start with curiosity, not assumptions.
    Before assuming someone’s intent, ask questions. Why did they make this choice? What could they be missing? Curiosity opens the door to dialogue.
  2. Acknowledge mistakes, but leave room for growth.
    Everyone makes mistakes—even in public spaces. The goal should be to help others learn, not to shut them out permanently. Constructive feedback inspires change.
  3. Have the conversation privately, if possible.
    Public shaming often puts people on the defensive. When safe and appropriate, reaching out privately can lead to more meaningful and honest discussions.
  4. Recognize when someone is making amends.
    If someone takes accountability and works to repair the harm, acknowledge it. Change is a process; genuine efforts to improve should be celebrated, not dismissed.
  5. Focus on the impact, not the person.
    Instead of labelling someone as “bad,” highlight the harm caused by their actions. This keeps the conversation productive and focused on solutions.
  6. After gratitude and forgiveness is community.
    Thank people for taking the time to discuss complex problems and ideas and forgive them where they may have misstepped or misunderstood. If they are open to change, welcome them back into the community.

💡 Creative spaces, TTRPG or otherwise, thrive when we embrace complexity, nuance, and empathy.

Instead of turning disagreements into battles or exclusion, we can turn them into opportunities to strengthen our communities, learn from each other, and build trust. I challenge us in all of our spaces to do just that.

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